The people on twitter really make it all worthwhile!

Ok, you got me; who am I kidding?

We're wasting our lives!

That particular stretch of road has never really had a good sunrise....

....but......well it's something anyway.

God would never concern himself with contests or games of skill, or sports

He does hate The Heat though.

(Give him a little credit)

You know what?

When you fall overboard from a cruise ship.......you're not drunk anymore!

Adrenaline takes over.

Freaking HELP!

Did you know that 86% of all reality shows....

....would be improved by snipers?

So when is someone going to tell Steven Tyler that he's got a condor trapped in his hair?

Aren't they endangered after all?

Don't mind the tornadoes in our wedding pictures!

Our hearts go out to the victims.

Cancun was great!

Cash for gold?

Well what little I have, I like to keep so....

Cash for trash?

Now you're talking!

If you have a POW camp.....

....and you pump in the smell of Downy, then it will conform to Geneva Convention rules.

No matter what else goes on in there!

As you get older....

....Happy Meal toys REALLY get worse and worse!

Personally, I think it's worthy of a class-action suit.

Was gonna run an "eclipse eye damage" special.....

....but my wife said,

"They'll just come in anyway!"

And she was right!

Never been so busy!

Lovin' it!

(They're not that messed up. I just give them an expensive eye exam and then some drops.)

If you've got this far, you don't belong, ok?