Saturday, July 22, 2017

Ok, my attorneys on the phone....


If I can't pardon myself, let's have VP do it, ok?

WTF YOU MEAN NO?!

Listen up!

I get oral surgery and have to be put under anesthesia for a half hour and during that time, VP is elevated to acting President and then pardons me. When I wake up, no more problem! Thought of it myself!

WTF YOU MEAN NO?!

I DO HAVE A TOOTHACHE!

WELL THEN KEEP READING THROUGH THE LAWS. GO THROUGH THEM ALL!

So ungrateful!

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Can't escape the gothic


It's all around you, you know.

I heard this baseball bat was made in America....


....in a coal mine.....by miners.

Such a noble group of heroes.

Those miners.

By the end of my second term, most Americans will be working underground! Maybe sooner.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Can't escape the gothic


It's all around you, you know.

(Glorious gothic ending!)

I could put on a fire hat very very well


And swing down that ladder and go to fires in the city and put them out and save people, and young children who deserve to be saved.

And their parents would love me so! Aunts and uncles too!

I would be a hero every day!

Yes, Mr. President.